Naturally, it happened again. Even in his current iteration as an innocent, asthmatic and astigmatic* teenager, Biff ends up being somehow responsible for setting off massive amounts of fireworks on New Year’s Eve.

This year, Gregory shares in the responsibility, by handing Biff a handgrenade on what he should have known was Biff’s “special day”. But it’s still Biff who had his hand on the trigger…or rather, the little cross-thing on top of the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch. I guess Gregory didn’t warn him that it was a handgrenade, so Biff thought it was just a normal imperial orb, as you might often pick up as a souvenir. And that the cross-thing was just the normal cross-thing on an imperial orb, not the pin of a handgrenade.

And I guess you would normally expect the pin of a handgrenade to be a bit better secured than this, so perhaps the fault is less with him, and more with Bohemond of Taranto. Who I assume would be the inventor of the Holy Handgrenade. It’s not explicitly stated in the movie…but Bohemond is definitly the madman most closely associated with crusader-age Antioch, so it would make sense if it was him.

Or perhaps Brother Maynard is to blame, because he wrote down the instructions, concise as they were, in a separate book…when he could just as well have written them onto the orb itself.

Yeah, no. No matter which way you look at it, the fault is Biff’s. Because that’s the law of the universe, which overwrites the contributions of all of those other clowns…

Happy New Year!

More on Thursday.

* Astigmatism is a condition where you don’t have crucifixion injuries on your hands and feet.