Screeeeeeeeam queen. – Chapter 1, Strip 65

The teenage mummy abducts Gwendolynn! What? You’ve never before heard of either? Well, that’s how fast things can happen in a b-movie plot.

From ‘ The Big Book of B-Movie Making’

See? That’s how you seamlessly integrate new material into an already finished script. Just make the new characters somehow vaguely related to the existing ones, and give them some flimsy excuse to turn up in the most unlikely location. Don’t worry if there was no former reference to any relatives, or the location is very remote and hard to find – audiences don’t care for such little details.

That’s key – just keep the action up! It must be sudden and unexpected – if there’s no possible way how somebody could appear suddenly, an e.g. abduct somebody, just gloss it over by suddenly cutting to a closeup. Terrified girls always make great close-ups.

When the new set-up requires explanation, well, simply let some character explain it. It doesn’t matter if there’s no plausible way he could have gained that knowledge, you can even use the most hare-brained character for it – in the heat of the action, the audience will not note the small inconsistency.

Some people had already wondered when the cheerleader depicted on the characters’ page would appear, but today we finally welcome Gwendolynn to the story. No self-respecting b-movie would be complete without a scream queen, and of course there was no way to convince Mopey to scream like a terrified girl. On a side note, Gwen is actually based on early designs for Mopey, who was supposed to be a cheerleader named Britt in the first draft- but don’t tell her.

Teenage monsters have a long tradition on the silver screen, there were teenage werewolves, teenage zombies, teenage Frankensteins, even a teenage t-rex. And countless legions of teenage vampires, of course, sometimes it seems being a vampire was seen as a normal part of puberty in Hollywood. A couple of times, scriptwriters even considered teenagers just being teenagers as being monstrous enough for a horror flick, probably their kids were that age at that time. I can’t remember ever having heard of a teenage mummy before, however, and if this is really a first, I claim bragging right for this completely derivative, unoriginal idea.

As usual, I’ll conclude my little piece with my triple request: please vote for me, check out the forum, and come back on Thursday for more teenage-sized mummy horror.

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