And now you know the true story, hard to belieb as it may be.
By the way, I didn’t really waste any time on researching what the top twenty Justin Bieber conspiracy theories are, since I felt reasonably sure that “JB is secretly a lecherous, old, insande Dutchman with a Gouda fetish” wouldn’t be anywhere near the top of the list. Not because it would be harder to believe…sorry, belieb, than most of the others, but simply because it’s way too specifc. Without checking, I’d suspect the top of that list to mostly be comprised of the classics: He’s a reptilian, a member of the illuminati, a free-mason, gay, transgender, dead, just a strawman for somebody else who does all the singing, the son of any number of notorious criminals, a vampire, a nazi, a muslim, an angel, a demon or just created by CGI. Well, what you get for success as a singer.
Speaking of conspiracy theories, that Dutchman/Deutschmann thing is pretty plausible and convincing, by B-movie standards. If Dracula>Alucard works, this works at least three times as well. Even more so when you realize that the ‘extra’ letter are E, S and N, or NES. Yes, it’s true! Give a Dutchman an old videogame console, and he turns into a German! The only slight, tiny, hardly mentionable logical inconsistency is, of course, that this would not only affect Dr. Fu, but every Dutchman – so you’d expect them all to have been allies of Kaiser William, which is not entirely borne out by historical reality. But, hey, I spoke about B-movie standards, after all.
Oh, and speaking of ‘not borne out by historical reality’, the German Empire’s flag didn’t really have the eagle on it, it was just black/white/red bars. But that simply isn’t imperial enough for a visual medium, so I corrected that inexplicable oversight.
More on Thursday.