Speed Streaking – Chapter 8, Act 2, Strip 21

What a silly question. Ebay, of course. You can get anything on ebay, as long as it’s not what you want. So experienced super-speedsters probably just buy clothing from ebay, specifying that it must be made from solid matter to maximize the chance that what they receive won’t be. Simples.

Naw, just joking, of course. The real secret is something else: look closely at the ‘clothing’ worn by superheroes in comics and notice how tightly it fits. Compare that to your own experience with the wearing of textiles. Then it will be quite obvious: there simply is no kind of fabric that could fit that snugly, filling every crevice between highly defined packages of muscles. The only explanation is that superheroes actually don’t wear clothing at all, but instead employ body painting to only create the impression they do (likely to prevent insult to public decency). At most it’s possible that they wear a small item of fabric over their genitals, since that area of their bodies seems to lack the high definition of all the others…an alternative explanation would be some kind of genital deformity, but that would be unlikely to be so homogeneously and widely spread among members of any specific single profession. =P

Gregory’s mistake is obvious proof of how successful superheroes have been in tricking the general public into believing that they are wearing clothes…which still doesn’t completely excuse the mistake, of course, since Gregory could have noticed the problem beforehand by the application of simple logic. Anyway, he’s managed to achieve one thing, at least: Snuka must be feeling a lot better now, knowing that he isn’t the only one capable of coming up with bad ideas connected to super speed.

More on Monday.

2 Replies to “Speed Streaking – Chapter 8, Act 2, Strip 21”

  1. One thing I never quite got about speedsters: for females their breasts would be crushed and for males, the pink parts. Marvel’s “unstable molecules” works to a certain degree, but the logistics of floppily-doppilies just make the whole thing silly.

    1. Yeah, pretty much. There’s nothing wrong with telling a tall and impossible tale with the goal of just entertainment…but Baron von Münchhausen at least gave a little wink when he related the tale of pulling himself out of a swamp by his hair. Superhero comics seem to have lost that touch for the right amount of self-irony, so they’re reduced to grasping for sound scientific explanations for things that are impossible, and thus in-explainable by nature.

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