He might have meant that ironical. – Chapter 2, Strip 333

Isn’t it nice to just lean back, every now and then, and watch things as they unfold?

Unfortunately for Akuns, the unfolding mechanism is set to only unfold the ship itself – the crew is not included in the unfolding, since they’re not even supposed to be on board in the first place. I’m not sure, anyway, whether the mechanism even could have neatly unfolded Akuns – fixing a spine by breaking it the other way is a medical technique that has become somewhat discredited these last few centuries. Once he has made it to sickbay, however, Akuns should profit from the sci-fi flavour of his surroundings: Somebody there will vaguely wave assorted kitchen appliances over him and a display on the wall will show generic, display-like activity. Then the doctor will randomly hack around on a keyboard hooked up to a centrifuge (it always involves a centrifuge) and finally give him a shot in the arm which will cure his condition immediately. That, at least, is the kind of classic scenario I would expect from sickbay aboard a vintage rocketship – if Akuns had sprung for a more modern spaceship, he’d probably be subjected to the more modern scenario instead: he’d be suspended, naked, in a huge, vertical tube of transparent liquid, for as long as the doctor (robotic, in this case) thinks necessary or enjoys the decorative value. The end result, in any case, would be Akuns looking and moving just like he did before the accident – anything else would require too much effort regarding continuity and make-up, anyway.

Medical facilities with such capabilities of course only add to Klytoris’ problems – not only will he, by now, have to find a way to inflict about 20 devastating injuries on his liege with surgical precision (and likely surgical instruments, in some cases), he will also have to find a way to prevent him from receiving any medical care in the meantime. Not to forget, it has to look like an accident. Naturally, it would be way past time for him to re-examine his original conclusion that this plan is the least complicated route to his goal – but, as naturally, that is not likely to happen. Remember, Klytoris is a villain now, and villains never, ever, switch to a simpler plan in the middle of an ongoing plot.

And, speaking of villainous oversights, Klytoris assumption he’ll be able to collect on Akuns’ accident insurance has a snag or two in its way, as well. For one thing, the insurance company that issued the policy is teetering on the verge of bankruptcy itself (you know which one I mean – come on, where else would a despicable villain take out a policy? Birds of a feather…). And for the other thing…two dozen hilariously implausible injury claims, regarding the same person, arriving in the same envelope just might arouse a slight suspicion or two. (And for a third thing – knowing Akuns, he’s probably taken out a discount policy, completely overlooking the fact that it’d only pay out in case he gets accidentaly halfway decapitated in Port Said by a one-eyed Peruvian pineapple pawnshop proprietor* with a sharpened chess board on a Monday*.)

Speaking of Mondays, Lee had no problem at all performing that scurrying mode of movement this sequence called for – he always moves like that on Monday morning, after having spent the whole weekend jammed in between all the equipment in his trailer. So the producer wasn’t even lying when he told Lee that it would be an experience that would be good for his career!

And, still speaking of Mondays…uh…more on Thursday.

* Say that quickly four times in a row.

** Which is, admittedly, still the likeliest day for something of that sort to happen.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.